Parting Thoughts
by Wedjatqi
Summary: The expedition is recalled to Earth and John is finding it very difficult to say goodbye to Teyla.


**Spoilers**: Future fic, references to Season 4 and very mild Season 5

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, I make no money from this endeavour, only enjoyment.

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Recalled to Earth; they were horrid words. And it wasn't like he hadn't gone through this all once before, but this was different. Atlantis was broken and dying. Soon enough she would sink beneath the waves; too far gone for even Rodney and his people to ever fix. The long life of the magnificent city was over and the IOA had called the retreat before that fateful day would arrive.

John was among the last group to leave. However now he actually stood here with his last bag of clothes and personal items packed and slung over his shoulder, he wished he hadn't waited to be one of the last. He turned back towards the small group of people who would close down the city for good. The last custodians of Atlantis, and she had obviously chosen to be among their number. He had tried to persuade her to leave with them to Earth, but she had so few of her people left that she was unwilling to leave her home galaxy. How could he blame her, wasn't he choosing his home planet over staying here?

Rodney finished up his last, repeated instructions to a Traveller technician and John watched as he went over to hug Teyla and little Tagan good bye. John couldn't watch; instead he turned to Ronon, another friend he was leaving behind.

"You could still come with us." John tried once more, but the big Satedan shook his head as he reached out and wrapped his arms around John's shoulders. "It's not like the Wraith are going to be turning up again."

"There will be some last hives out there and it is up to people like me to find them and stop them." Ronon intoned as they stepped back from each other.

John nodded his head, his heart so heavy. This was so much worse than last time, for then there had been a glimmer of hope in him that they may return with the Ancients' blessing. Now, there would be no one. The city would be lost. Once he and his last group left the control crystal would be removed, the Zero Point modules unplugged and the custodians would leave on a Jumper to the waiting Travellers' vessel in orbit. Without power the broken city would finally succumb to its inevitable fate and sink beneath the waves to break up and mould away.

Ronon clapped him on his arm once again. "I will miss you, John."

The honesty and frank emotional quality of his words and expression broke John's heart once again. He clapped his friend on the arm in return. "I'll miss you too. The Daedalus will be making runs here a couple of times a year; send us a message if you can."

"Will do." Ronon replied with conviction. But, no one knew what would happen in the future, especially now both the Wraith threat and Michael's brood were all gone. It would be up to the people of this galaxy to decide their own fate now. So many had united under a common goal to destroy Michael and the Wraith, but John doubted those alliances would hold in the coming years.

Pushing aside the worries and depressing imaginings he turned to the last person in the line and the last person he wanted to say good bye to. So, he put it off a little longer and instead reached out to take Tagan into his arms for one last hug. Tagan smiled as he settled into John's arms.

"Well, see you little guy. Be good for your mom and grow up big and strong." The words came out sturdier than he imagined possible through the tightness of his throat. He would never see Tagan grown. That thought was painful enough, but knowing John would never see Teyla again was even more so. He handed Tagan back, after he placed a brief little kiss on the year old's head. His eyes finally met Teyla's and he was both surprised and relieved to see her tears. She bit on her lower lip as she settled Tagan back onto her hip.

"Take good care of yourself, Teyla." He whispered, his voice finally weakening under the strain.

She nodded and reached out with her spare arm to hug him. He returned it, pulling her tightly to his chest one last time. He drew in the soft smell of her hair for the last time and pulled back before he embarrassed himself and began to beg her to come with them. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to tell her and confess. Now was not the time to go telling her of his long hidden affections for her, but his chest bubbled with unexpressed emotions. He bit his own lower lip to hold the words at bay.

"Good bye, John." Teyla replied, her voice strong despite the trickling tears over her face.

She leant her head forward, as she had done once before in this place and in this very situation. He dropped his head forward and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed that way, both unwilling to break the ritual for the last time.

Tagan reached up and patted the side of John's head and that was the excuse they needed to split apart. John reached out and took the child's hand one last time and blinked away the emotion threatening to spill out.

"Take good care of him." He said before releasing the child he would have happily brought up as his own and dropped his eyes from her. Stepping back he reached for his bag and turned to the waiting Stargate. Rodney stood waiting for him, his eyes sad and oddly questioning. John didn't care if Rodney could see the sheen of water in his eyes.

He walked towards the blue event horizon and once again considered staying here. But, could he really let Earth go? Never go to a football match again, hell never even see a football again. Never fly a chopper or plane again? Never eat Earth food, or properly resolve issues with his family? It was all too much. Perhaps he could stay awhile until the Daedalus visited. But that would just put off this same moment; best to just break the links now.

He would never see his friends here again. He would never see how Tagan would look as he grew; would he be as strong as his mother? Would he live to adulthood? What if a new evil appeared in this galaxy? John would never know until it was far too late. What if they were killed? What if they lived a long happy life and died in old age? That thought more than any other hurt the most. He tried to image what Teyla would look like as an old woman; wise and still beautiful. He would never know how it felt to kiss her outside of his vague bug memories.

John stopped before the sparkling blue of the gate and took a deep breath. Maybe that was one thing at least he could experience before he left. Courage, previously absent on this subject, burst to life. He dropped the bag down onto the harsh floor of the gate room and turned, striding back to Teyla in three swift steps.

She looked up surprised, questioning and perhaps slightly hopeful he thought. He ignored everyone else as he looked down into her upturned eyes. Reaching out he slid a hand around the back of her neck and leant down to kiss her. She met him in the middle, her lips pressing against his with equal force and her free hand came up to cup his cheek.

Tagan giggled in John's ear where he was still sat on Teyla's hip. John pulled back enough and looked round at the boy. Tagan giggled again and John heard others laughing lightly around them, but all he was interested in was Teyla, who still pressed part of her body against him. Looking away from the happy baby back to her John searched her eyes and was floored to see the delight and yearning in her gaze.

"I have always loved you." The words slipped from his mouth softly for her ears only.

She smiled, a tear dripping down her cheek, as she pulled him towards her. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and he buried his nose into her hair. He didn't know what to do. Could he really live here in this galaxy? Could he really leave her and Tagan? Maybe she didn't love him in return.

"Is your offer for us to live on Earth still open?" She whispered from beneath his chin.

A tear surprised him as it fell from his control and he reached up brushing it away quickly as they parted from each other. "Of course."

"Then we would like to come with you, my love." She replied.

The happiness and excitement flared brightly within him. She and Tagan were going to live on Earth and she loved him! For a split second he questioned whether this was really happening. Teyla reached down for her own packed bags that had been going to into the Jumper, but now were ready to leave with him. John broke out of his disbelief and took the bags from her.

Teyla turned towards Ronon, who was grinning happily. "About time." Was all he said as he engulfed her and Tagan in a massive hug. "Take good care of each other."

"Sure you don't want to change your mind?" John asked.

Ronon released Teyla and ruffled Tagan's hair. "If I change my mind I'll hitch a ride with the Daedalus."

John knew somehow that that day may never come. But, then could Ronon ever really fit into Earth society? John wished he would try. "You don't have to live on Earth you know; we have a whole gate system in my galaxy for you to explore."

"Maybe." He replied.

Teyla moved to the gate where Rodney still stood, his eyebrows high. John headed over to collect his dropped bag and finally turned back to the gate room, now with Teyla by his side. That felt better.

With one last look at the magnificent city that had sheltered them and nurtured them for six years, it was time to leave. John looked over at Teyla as she turned to the event horizon as he did. She smiled up at him, her expression answering his unspoken question; she was sure of her decision and then she stepped into the gate leaving John to catch her up.

--

THE END


End file.
